you're not stupid for feeling this way I promise, I'm still sending you luck, I hope she understands what she'll be missing if she decides no, ask her out and just see what she says xxx
I think that the best thing I can do is to wait to be in front of her at least. It’s gonna be hard and a big pain in the ass, but it’s for better…
And thank you! Throwing that out of my chest really helped me a lot, it means so much to me. A huge hug and a kiss for you ^^
PS: Is there any way I could know who you are?
Those feelings suck. Here's to hoping she realises how'd lucky she'd be to have somebody who'd provide a relationship like that for her, hurts I know but you are good enough and I'm wishing lots of luck. Does she know you like her at least? if she's single I think you should go for it and ask her out :)
I don’t really agree with you, but thank you so much. Everybody loves to see someone saying that he’s “good enough”.
Yeah, she knows. And I feel like she likes me too, but everything’s so strange… Sometimes I feel like she treats me in a special way. There’s that moments when she tells me she loves me, and she tells me she’d love to have me in her bed. Or she tells me she missed me while at class and that she kept drawing and writing things about me everywhere, but then there’s that other moments. That moments when I just feel like “Another one”. Like… Just someone else to her. Or that moments when I feel like she doesn’t even wanna talk with me, but I see she’s talking with a lot of people…
I don’t know, I probably overthink everything too much. But I just want her attention so bad. Not for myself, but for her. I’d love to talk with her all day long, make her laugh, make her feel alright, loved, and even happy if I could.
I dunno, my head is a mess right now to be honest. I guess that what happens is that I’m afraid to lose her, when she’s not even mine to lose. And that I wanna make her smile, laugh, feel alright, remind her she’s beautiful, and that there’s someone on earth who just wants her more than anything else.
But as I said, she could have anyone. She could have anyone better than me. Plus, we live a bunch of miles from each other. Even if I’m gonna go to see her this summer, I guess it would be much easier if we lived near. Hm… Maybe I should look on the good side of things. Maybe the problems are just made up on my mind.
I miss being with her but I’ve never been with her.
I miss her hugs but I’ve never had one.
I miss sleeping with her but we’ve never slept together.
I’m afraid of losing her when she’s not even mine to lose.
Fuck my mind, really.
There’s that girl I knew for three or four years now. I always felt attracted to her. I’m not gonna be a hypocrite and say I liked her since the first day, ‘cause I’d be lying, but we always had some kind of natural connection. We’ve started talking a lot recently, and damn… I just feel I belong with her. But it’s just not that easy… She still has some feeling for his ex. And on the other hand, she’s the kind of girl who always has like a dozen of guys right behind her. And I don’t know… I feel like I’m falling in love, and I’m afraid. I’m afraid ‘cause I don’t really know if all of this will go on. If it’s gonna work between us. I mean… I’m just an option. I’m not used to be a priority. And I just fear that someday a better guy than me is gonna appear and he’ll get her without even trying. It always happens…
And damn it, I don’t know why, but every single night I start thinking about that. I start thinking about not being enough. And about how I wish she was sleeping right by my side so I can wake up to her smile every single day of my life. On the day, when everybody’s watching me, I pretend I love myself to death. I pretend I feel so right with myself, I pretend I’m so confident. But I’m not. And… Yeah, you know, just that… I’m getting pretty repetitive. I just feel like I’d wait for her if she told me to wait or just gave me something clear to believe in. But that’s not the case. And I’m just afraid of falling alone.
Shit, I don’t know, I just miss her.
Send me some questions! I’m so bored and overthinking about some things so I’m not gonna go to bed anytime soon and I’d be so grateful if you entertained me for a while. I’m willing to answer everything honestly as long as it has nothing to do with anybody’s privacy but mine :)
my self esteem has two levels
- im a worthless piece of shit who deserves no love
- bow down before bitches i am your queen